Just Not Today
by louvreangel
Summary: A Kitty Winter one-shot. The way she actually feels inside and the way she acts when she finds out that Sherlock's on a case with Watson without even letting her know. She absolutely hated being a third wheeler. (A little platonic on Kitty's part.)


**First of all, I have to say that I'm actually a Joanlock fan. A big one, to be honest. But no matter how hard I tried to write a fanfiction for them, nothing came out. I've been wanting to write about them for a long time now but I never managed to come up with something that'd suffice me. Then season 3 started and suddenly I found myself intrigued by Kitty Winter's character so much. Her—slightly—known relationship with Sherlock and her behaviour towards Joan is pretty interesting in my opinion. Even though Joan and Kitty are on better terms right now, I don't think Kitty is **_**that**_** fond of Joan. I think she is still jealous of her, in some parts, ****that's why I decided to write something for Kitty and Sherlock. Mostly with Kitty's feelings and thoughts.**

**Okay, enough with the babbling. Shortly, my point is, I'm writing this fanfiction to get it out of my head 'cause it's been bugging me long enough. This one-shot revolves around Kitty and Sherlock, and their weird...partnership. No actual Joanlock in this one.**

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Sherlock, or any of the characters. I am just a simple fanfictioner._

**A/N: **_My native tongue isn't English so please ignore if I have any grammar mistakes. Thanks!_

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><p>She could feel her blood boiling inside her veins as she made her way to Brownstone. She was familiar with the feeling 'anger' but she never felt it this strong before. She felt betrayed, she felt like a garbage thrown outside, she felt useless almost in every way possible. Tears threathened to leave her eyes but she was strong. She knew better than to cry like a two-year-old. That was why her steps were furious, yet stable. She was going to confront him and ask what the hell was wrong with him. Because apparently something was definetely <em>wrong<em>.

How could he _not_ tell her that there was a case in the police station?

As he stated before, they weren't _partners_. But still, as his _so-called_ protégé, she had the right to know when there was a new case.

When she didn't see him in Brownstone in the morning, she called him twice. He didn't answer or return her calls so she decided to go to the police station. He wasn't there either but neither was Joan. So she asked Marcus if he had seen Sherlock or Joan and he told her they were on a case together. He also said he thought _she_ was with them. But _she wasn't_. She was right there, questioning Sherlock's whereabouts.

Something clicked in her and she found herself storming out of the station without saying another word. If the whole situation were a cartoon, you could see smoke coming out of her ears and nose. But this was real life and the only thing you could see was her now-tomato-red-face.

Her heart started beating faster as she got closer to Brownstone. Her breathing became faster too and she found herself walking slower to get her anger under control. Then she saw Joan leaving Brownstone and knew there was no way she could get her anger under control. She—almost—ran to Brownstone and entered the building, closing the door fiercely.

"Kitty?" Sherlock's voice came from the kitchen, obviously furious because of her loud door closing.

Without a reply, she went to the kitchen and found him going through a few files. Then she acted without thinking, allowing her body to take control. She stepped closer and pushed all the files on the table to the ground, watching them fall.

Instantly their eyes locked to each other's and there was a death silence in the room for about five minutes before Kitty decided to look anywhere but at Sherlock's cold grey eyes. She forgot why she even came here in the first place because guilt started to built up inside her. She shouldn't have acted so careless. She made herself look like a fool in front of her... mentor. Partner. The man she worked for. The man she admired. The man she was a grateful for.

"Uhmm..."

Suddenly, Joan Watson's voice made things even worse. Kitty's head snapped up at her and she remembered why she came here with such hatred in her veins.

_Because she was replaced by the woman she herself once replaced. _

"I noticed I forgot some files..." Joan tried to explain, still in shock because of the scene in front of her. There were files on the ground, and a very angry Sherlock with a murderous look on his face whereas Kitty had the same expression on her face but directed to Joan. She knew she wasn't supposed to be there at all. "I'll just go..."

But Kitty spoke before Watson could exit the kitchen. "Oh no, you should _absolutely_ stay. This is _your _case anyway. _I'm_ the one who shouldn't be here, not _you_."

Kitty took a step back from Sherlock and made her way to exit the room.

"Watson, could you please come back later? Kitty and I need a moment to speak. Privately." Sherlock spoke with a sharp voice as Kitty was about to leave.

"Of course." Joan muttered and gave him a worried look before she left. He nodded at her and it was a silent agreement between them. She would come back later and he would tell her everything.

Kitty stood there frozen as Joan walked past her and left Brownstone. Her brows furrowed and she turned around to face Sherlock. That's when she decided to let it all go. She walked towards him and stopped before invading his personal space.

"How could you _not_ tell me there was a case?" she yelled at him.

"You work for _me_, Kitty, may I remind you, not the other way around." He replied with a loud voice.

She felt the same blood boiling feeling inside her and started to pour her heart out. She never felt so vulnurable, so useless and so betrayed before. And she never poured her heart out to anyone. But right now, she had to do it. For her own sake, she had to do it. "_This_ is not why I took up on your offer, Sherlock. _This_ is not why I came here with you! Since we came here, the only thing I do is run your errands, or—or bringing you the files you need from the station. Or bringing Clyde to Watson, as if I'm your personal valet. May I remind you, _I am not your personal valet_. I may not be your _partner_ but I do _detective_ work. Did you make Watson do useless stuff too, when she worked with you I mean? I did everything you asked me to and this is what I get? You _promised_ me! You very well know we came here for a purpose and we have work to do! _We_! Not _you and her_!"

She stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. Then she felt the tears coming but didn't let them go. She couldn't and didn't want to look more vulnurable than her current state. "I go to those group meetings just because you asked me to, you know? I try to be on good terms with her but you give me every reason to dislike her. When you came up to me and offered me to work with you back in London, you didn't tell me as soon as you got your old partner back, I'd be a third wheeler. I can tolarate you guys working together, and I can tolarate the fact that I need to learn from her but I _cannot_ tolarate you working with her and sending me to run an errand for you. If this is how it is going to be, I think I'll be better off alone."

When she was finally finished, a big silence filled the room. They just looked at each other as minutes passed, standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. Kitty's shoulders dropped as she sighed. She was stupid to have said that last sentence. Sherlock would never choose her over Watson. Why would he? Watson and him worked for two years, she knew everything about him, she helped him recover his addiction, she was his friend.

Kitty deep down inside, knew that Sherlock wouldn't tolarate the way she acted now. She seemed like a brat, she knew it. And he was impatient and intolarant when it came to her. His mean behaviour never bothered her before but after they arrived to New York, she became more and more irritated by the way he acted towards her. She didn't think she did anything wrong to have deserved that. Maybe it was because she told Watson that he and her were partners but he covered that up pretty quickly. She was offended by that too, though she never made it obvious.

Then she saw Sherlock take a deep breath. He finally waved his hand at the files. "This—" he took a file from the floor to show it to her before continuing "—is a case I didn't want you to take part in. It is about a girl who had been missing for the past three days and she was murdered by her captor. Moreoever, we have enough evidence to prove she was also tortured and raped."

Kitty's eyes grew wider as understanding dawned on her. But before she could say anything, he continued. "When Watson was trying to keep me from doing heroine, she never even drank wine around me. Or anywhere in the entire house. She got rid of anything that could trigger my addiction. Once, a drug dealer friend of mine came to me for help. Her daughter was missing. Watson even then told me that the case might trigger my addiction problems. And to be honest, as I was her mentor, she was also mine."

He not-so-gently handed over the file to her and she took it without looking up at him. But, she didn't open the file either. She was too embarrased to do that.

"I didn't want this case to trigger any hard emotions in you. I never want your past to come haunt you like mine did to me. You will be ready some day, to take up cases like these. But right now, even when you claim to be, you are _not_ strong enough. You will make an excellent investigator, Kitty. Just not today." He repeated his words to Kitty that he told Joan before about her. "Though, you cannot question me, my decisions or my words. If you dare question _me_ and _my decisions_, then yes, you are absolutely better off alone."

Kitty then looked up at his cold grey eyes and saw his emotionless face. She was her protégé and he was supposed to keep her safe but she didn't think he cared about her, no. But she cared about him. Deep down inside, she knew she had grown a very soft spot for him long ago. Because he helped her forget about her past and made her believe that she could do better. She believed him when he told her he saw intriguing things in her. She believed him when he told her both of them could work together and help people. She believed everything he said. Because in some twisted kinda way, he was her savior.

She swallowed and tried to come up with a good answer. She didn't want to step back from her decision, or her angrily-uttered words, but she knew she wasn't going to be able to stand her ground for too long. She didn't want to be better off alone. She wanted to be better, with him. Beside him. She wanted him to teach her everything he had. She wanted every bit of it.

"I don't want to be better off alone. I want to be better, _with you_. Better than anyone else." He knew she meant _Watson_ by saying _anyone else_ but he let it go. Her weird jealousy towards Watson was something he couldn't quite understand.

"Then stop whining like a teenager and start acting like an adult. You can start with washing the dishes." He said with his hands on his back, stomping his foot.

Kitty snorted. "_That_ is your definition of acting like an adult?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Our non-sense arguement has just ended and you already start questioning me?"

She shook her head quickly as she uttered a small "No" before going to the sink to wash the dishes.

When Sherlock heard the water on, he made his way to the living room with a hidden smile on his face.

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><p>Joan was surprised to see them arguing over what they should cook when she came back an hour later. Kitty wanted spaghetti but Sherlock wanted steak.<p>

"Of course you want to eat steak, you are not the one cooking it!" Kitty snapped at him as she turned the stove on.

"You cook spaghetti five times a week, aren't you sick of it?" he snapped back.

"I love spaghetti!" she deadpanned but Sherlock won the arguement eventually and she went to the store to buy the steak he so wanted. But she didn't seem to notice Joan's presence as she walked past her.

Joan shook her head in amusement and smiled to herself. They were really weird together. They went everywhere together, they ate together, they even listened to loud music together. Joan was more... rebellious about the way Sherlock lived his life when they were living together. But Kitty seemed to be pretty okay with his lifestyle. Kitty and Sherlock were actually alike in a lot of ways they weren't aware of. Joan could see it though, because she was looking at it from outside.

Then, acting like she just arrived to Brownstone, she said hi and they immediately started talking about the case. Then three of them ate steak and spaghetti together before Kitty excused herself to go to sleep. Not that she was going to sleep but she wasn't going to be involved in this case, so she had to keep herself away from it.

After all, she knew she was going to make a great investigator one day. _Just not today._

**Xx**

**Thanks for reading!**


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